Daron Is A Good Friend To Have

Dot is at the age where she is contemplating the notion of trying different personas. I expect this. I'm a very tolerant person. I'm also very strange (I was once described as a wacky-ass, a designation that I enjoy immensely), so there is little she can do to shock me. When she recently inquired about what it meant to be "goth", I got very concerned. Not because I'm scared of black nail polish, but the prospect of having to hear Christian Death blasting from her speakers was the worst thing I could think of. I hate that band.

I needed to formulate a plan, and fast. I turned to my good friend, Daron, for his ex-goth advice. Our e-mail exchange follows. *Note to the sensitive...The Diamanda Galas line is a JOKE! No need to get offended. I love my child, and would never do anything to hurt her. Neither would Daron.

From me:
Yesterday, Dot asked me what being goth means (she's toying with the idea of being goth). I told her it involved listening to dramatic music, wearing velvet, dying your hair black, wearing make up that makes you look ugly, loving vampires, and being sad. Did I leave anything out?
Rebel

From Daron:
You have to remember the complete contempt for anything normal. And you need a good pose. Feeling insecure about your phisical apperance helps.

I should make her a goth music comp to see if she can commit to the music. We should give her some acid and make her listen to Diamanda Galas's Litanies Of Satan while repetedly asking her if she's happy being sad.

That would be an appropriate line in the sand.

I was wondering about her new myspace pic and name.

Tell her I was goth and I realized it's just better to be eccentric.

People still think I'm goth. I just look like shit. Is that goth? I suppose the I Love Nothing shirt doesn't help.

From me:
I broached this subject with Dot, and she was excited about owning a cd of goth music. She then informed me that I would have to buy her "goth clothes". When pressed for details about these clothes, she "couldn't explain" what they looked like. I think 15 minutes of Christian Death would cure her of these desires.

Your response made me wish that you would write stories. I'm thinking you would get a good response. I want to post this e-mail exchange on my blog. It's pretty fucking funny. I think Dot would probably be mortified. Wait, isn't it my job as a parent to embarrass her?

Rebel

From Daron:
I need to learn how to spell physical if I'm going to write.

You would think I would know how to spell the name of an Oliva Newton-John album that has an album sleeve that I used to wank to as a child.

Ah, the things we block out.

I'll make her the gothiest goth cd that ever gothed!
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Turns out, Dot could not commit to goth music. Now she likes Ween, thanks to Daron. I can handle that. Goth aversion therapy works, and Daron is a good friend to have. Also, Dot is awesome.