Sunday, November 9, 2008

Doing What I Despise

I usually hate year end reviews. They seem so lazy. However, I am ending my first year on myspace, my first year as a transplant hillbilly, and the 30th year of my life. These things have put me in a introspective mood, so without further excuses, I present a series of lists....

Things I Learned on MySpace

1. Writing doesn't require any special equipment. If you want to write, just do it. People will probably read it, and they might even like it.

2. The world contains some truly amazing, clever and intelligent people.

3. On the flipside, there are some crazy asses floating around out there. Be careful.

4. Folks love a mystery.

5. It doesn't pay to get too emotionally invested with people you'll likely never meet.


Things I Wish I Had Said At The Time

1. No one asked for your opinion on the matter, considering that you're emotionally retarded, and your personal track record is none too impressive.

2. Didn't you get horribly upset and tell me that it was unfair to be forced to explain off-the-cuff remarks? It's nice that you're using the same technique on me. You learn your lessons well.

3. I love you. Sincerely.

4. You look lovely in that shade of blue.

5. I swear to god, if you don't shut your fucking mouth, I'm gonna do it for you.

6. This is painful and boring. Let's stop pretending that I'm interested in what you are saying, and drink this beer.

7. Why are you so concerned with what I'm doing when you're standing in the middle of a clusterfuck of your own making?

8. Lucky for me, there are no thought police, and I'm free to think what I want. You are too. Neat.

9. In the event of an apocalypse, I will eat you first, and I'll relish the experience.

10. Hey dildo! Do you want me to knock that hat off your head? Stop dry-humping random strangers, and go stand on the street corner, where you belong. (this was my last thought of 2007. It's not my fault that Dallas is full of dildos in stupid hats.)


Bands I Fell In Love With This Year, And I Can't Recommend Highly Enough

1. The Great Tyrant- this would be the case even if one of my favorite people in the world wasn't a band member. They have a 7" available for purchase now. You should get one. The music is scary and beautiful, and the artwork is stellar. Not to mention the fancy vinyl. And a bargain at $5. You'll either thank me or hate me later. I think you'll thank me though. Challenging music at a time when very little in the entertainment world is challenging. Seriously, the guys are awesome.

2. Buck 65-hillbilly influenced rap from Canada. Intelligent, thought provoking lyrics, paired with banjo samples. Fucking rad.

3. The Dirty Three- the perfect soundtrack for an earth-shattering storm, or your personal meltdown

4. The Dresden Dolls- after the first go round with this band, I dismissed them as a novelty. Then I had an epiphany. Every song is like a mini-musical on the joys of DIY surgery or the ridiculousness of holocaust revisionism. And when I sing along, I get to inhabit the character. I like feeling demented, but only in 5 to 10 minute bursts. The Dresden Dolls are perfect for that.

5. Palodine- Kat has a voice that gives me chills. I can't wait for the new album to come out. Go to their myspace, and give them a listen. I bet you'll like what you hear.

My Love/Hate Affair With East Texas Has Taught Me...

1. That people have different ideas about what constitutes quality produce in Alto, Texas. Or a good grocery selection. Alto's grocery store sucks.

2. Highschool football is as important in rural Texas as the media told me it was. Go YELLOWJACKETS! (that go yellowjackets was pretty insincere. I don't give a fiddly-fuck about football, honestly.)

3. I can listen to my stereo at volume 40, and run around naked and screaming in my backyard, and no one will notice or care. I like that.

4. People really love Jesus here. A lot.

5. Anytime is a good time to fire your weapon into the air. Also, firing an assault rifle provides an adrenaline rush that is unrivaled.

The Most Important Lesson I Learned

1. Sometimes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes, it makes you realize you've been flim-flammed.


2. It is not a good idea to password protect the laptop you're writing your novel on if you're very drunk. In fact, it's a really BAD idea. I need some tech support.

Hope ya'll enjoyed your New Year's festivities, and that things get better in 2008. Let's drink to it.

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