The wrong way to start a conversation, times 2

Two pawn shop conversations about sex...




Conversation #1Creepy DVD customer: "Hey! That other lady tole me you was real good with computers, said you know all about them. That true?"




Me: "Well, I think she may have over-stated my talents, but what do you wanna know?"




Creepy: "Ya know that guy over in Carthage that just got arrested with child pornography on his computer?"




Me (feeling extremely uncomfortable): "Yeah."




Creepy: "How'd they catch him?"




Me: "There are lots of ways...why?"




Creepy: "I really like porno, and since I got my computer, I been downloading all kinds. I'm not a pervert, I just think it's entertaining. But I'm worried that I might accidentally download some child porn and end up in prison."




Me: "Well, my advice is to download your porn from a reputable site. Or just find yourself some streaming porn so you don't have to download anything."




Creepy: "Oh...thanks."




Conversation #2




Vernon: "It's weird, but hydro-floric acid don't burn my skin. We use it to wash down the plastic walls at the shop, and I can get it all over me, and it don't bother me, but I look over at my Mexican, and he's covered in blisters."




Me (resisting the urge to tell him it hydro-chloric, not floric acid): "That's weird."




Vernon: "You know what I just found out?"




Me: "What?"




Vernon: "Rohypnol, ya know, that date rape drug? It's out of your system within two hours."




Me: "Are you trying to tell me that the next time I date rape someone, I should use rohypnol?"




Vernon: "Naw. I know this old girl, she got herself date-raped this weekend. She's 38, got some kids, and she went out partyin' with these young guys, and she knew better'n ta do that. Anyway, she don't remember nothin' after nine o'clock. She woke up at her house two hours later, and her panties was in her front pocket. The doctor told her rohypnol would be out of her system by the time she got to the hospital...Ya'll have a good day!"