you stupid bastard

I moved you in because you were all slat-sided thin, trying to eat a tree branch in the front yard, and I couldn't abide that. And how do you repay me? By shredding every paper plate in the trash, and sometimes books too. Like "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", and I wasn't even finished with it yet. But the last straw was when you stole the chicken from my dinner plate when my back was turned, and I had to put you in a headlock and wrestle you to the ground to get it back. I didn't plan on eating it anymore, mostly because I see you poking around the cat box all the time, but it was the principle of the thing.

What I'm trying to say to you, Melt the half-tard dog, is that you better straighten up your act, or I'll send your ass to live with the family down the street. You know the one I'm talking about...the ones with the dejected, busted down horse stored in a tiny side yard. See if those folks will remember to give you your vitamin in the morning, you little pissant.