Sunday, November 9, 2008

You Can’t Take Me Anywhere

This weekend, I have plans to go to an exhibition by the editors of Found magazine. As a freak that picks up every random thing that I find on the ground, I am very excited about this. I am also a little worried. I am worried, because this is my first adventure with Ruby, and the event is BYOB. I have a history of doing stupid things at exhibitions, especially when booze is involved. By way of warning, I give you the story of the blown glass vase....

I can't remember how long ago this was, but if I hazarded a guess, I'd say two years ago. Our friend Jack was participating in a Fort Worth Community Arts Center exhibition, and encouraged Eric to submit one of his hand-made books full of stupid and offensive haiku. He did.

We attended the event, and free beer and wine were available. Not being much of a wine drinker, I took advantage of the free beer offer. It wasn't long before I was feeling pretty festive. A little too festive, probably.

The show was mixed media. Eric's book was placed on a stool (scavenged from Jack's garage if I remember correctly), and next to it, on a pedestal, was a HUGE blown glass vase with a $2500 price tag. I was standing with my back to the vase, talking to a group of folks. I took a step back, and collided with something.

I was pretty sure that I knew what it was.

I turned around to see the blown glass vase toppling into the corner. It hit the wall, and made a "GONG" sound. The entire room, which moments before had been full of lively conversation, fell quiet. All eyes were on me and the vase.

In a show of drunken reflexes that I will likely never replicate, I grabbed the vase, righted it on the pedestal, and turned around like it was business as usual.

Shannon, Jack's wife, looked at me.

"Oh my god. What would you have done if you hadn't caught it and it broke?"

"I was gonna take off runnin', and you woulda had to drive all over Ft. Worth to find me."

And they would have.
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I feel slightly more secure at this event, because it's unlikely that anyone has found a blown-glass vase on the sidewalk. But just to keep on the safe side, I will keep the festivity to a minimum. Never let it be said that I can't learn a lesson.

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