Friday, February 13, 2009

Yep

I grew up in a trailer, scrappy, hungry and poor. I talked with a Texas twang, and went barefoot in the summer. I drank Kool-Aid bought with foodstamps, until my mom started selling the foodstamps for heroin. I lived without benefit of electricity, running water, or parental supervision. I was mocked, brutalized and tortured, mostly by the middle-class kids that attended the hell we called a middle-school. They let me know that I was white-trash, and that's all I would ever be.

I decided to prove them wrong. I read every book I could get my hands on, and plotted my escape and re-invention in a new town. I practiced talking without an accent.

I was 17 when I escaped. I moved to the suburbs of Ft. Worth and tried to forget about my white-trash holocaust. I pretended that I had grown up in a house with a manicured lawn, with regular visits to the orthodontist, and more than two outfits to wear.

I started a family (too early, because teen pregnancy is the bane of the white-trash existence), and worked hard to make sure my daughter never went to bed hungry. She had every toy she wanted, and her closet over-flowed. Most importantly, she had parents that paid attention to what she was doing.

Three years ago, I realized that I was on track to raise one of the assholes that tormented me in school. I was teaching her to love things, not people. While my childhood as working-class trash was terrible, I learned to earn every thing that I had, and to fight to keep it. I wanted to know that my daughter would have the strength to kick back when she gets kicked.

We moved back to the country. I stopped being ashamed of who I am.

So, I work too hard and my hands are callused. I drink cheap beer, and I sing along with Hank Williams. I like sushi, but I love Frito pie. I can watch a Fellini film, but it's not as much fun as watching Friday the 13th. I like fishing and shooting my guns. I've been known to watch wrestling (or buy ringside seats to a wrestling match). I don't wear designer clothes, and I don't have any desire to. I don't care what my car looks like, and I don't have a credit card. My savings account doesn't exist. I read and write, and I do it with vigor. I'm self-educated, and smarter than most of the college graduates I know. I'm working on getting my accent back.

They were right. I'm white-trash and I always will be. I just finally learned that there ain't a fucking thing wrong with it.

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