10 reasons my family is cooler than yours

1. My mom is a crackhead who lives on my grandma's front porch.

2. One of my uncles lives in a trailer with a dirt floor & his utility closet is full of chickens. He doesn't have running water, so he bathes in my grandpa's catfish pond.

3. My grandma lives in a one-room shack, pees in a bucket at night, & makes people re-use paper plates.

4. One of my cousins had to take my mom with him to the DPS when he got his driver's license. He needed her to tell him how to spell his name. I guess the month he had to study beforehand was not enough.

5. A different cousin got 2 different girls pregnant at the same time, while wearing a halo for his broken neck. Say what you will, you must have some sort of skills to knock up 2 girls with a huge medical appliance screwed into your skull.

6. My 400lb. aunt pulled out her tit to show my 3 year old daughter her tasmanian devil tattoo. My daughter cried, & my husband almost did.

7. A different aunt stabbed my grandpa with a pair of scissors & ran away from home. She became a truck stop prostitute at age 15.

8. My truckdriver uncle used to make pill runs to Mexico. He gave me an allowance of 5 Valium per run. I was 16.

9. My speed freak uncle stole cars to support his habit. One time he showed up to our house in a stolen cop car. The red & blue lights were still on.

10. My one-legged uncle only had 1 leg because he pulled a prank on his brother that scared him so badly that he shot him through the front door.