Dot, the criminal

ast week, I was in the kitchen, making a waffle PB&J for my breakfast when Dot came in.

"Momma, can I forge your signature on my report card?"

"What for?"

"I lost two of my library books and they wouldn't give me my report card. If I don't turn it in today, signed, they're gonna give me D hall (a*k*a after-school detention) and I'll miss drum practice."

"That's fine, but I still wanna see your report card."

(You're probably thinkin' to yourself...that's not very good parenting...well, she always makes straight A's, and I missed recess for most of the fourth grade due to lost library books so I have a soft-spot for that kinda stuff.)

"Thank you Momma! Sign this piece of paper for me."

"What're you gonna do, trace my signature?"

"No, I'm gonna color the paper on the back side of your signature and then trace over the top. It's like home-made carbon paper."

I was impressed with her wiley criminal mind. I always just tried to duplicate my momma's signature, with unimpressive results.

The next morning, my little criminal handed me a piece of paper.

"I need you to sign that."

The following is a reproduction of an office referral that chronicles my darlin' daughter's brief career in crime...

TEACHER DOCUMENTATION:Report cards were given out to students on Thursday, 1-10. Dot did not receive hers because she had an overdue library book, Ruby Holler, which was due 12-10-07. Students in the middle school who had not yet received their report cards were told daily (during morning announcements) that after school detention would be assigned on Tuesday, 1-15, if fines weren't paid, overdues weren't turned in, and report cards weren't brought back signed. Dot turned her book into the library yesterday, 1-14. Dot came into the office this morning to pick up her report card at 9:30. She turned it in signed by mom at 10:30. To my knowledge mom has not been up here to the school to sign this.

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So instead of avoiding D hall, Dot was assigned 2 D halls. One for the report card, and one for forging my signature. She also got to hear me and her daddy make fun of her for turnin' in the report card too soon. She's also pretty pissed that I'm posting this story. I, on the other hand, feel greatly relieved that she did NOT inherit the criminal genes from my side of the family.