My Death and Subsequent Arrangements

I have been thinking about my death lately. I think it's because I recently bought a pair of skull sneakers. Every time I look at my feet I think "I bet my skull looks really rad. Too bad I'll be dead before you can see it"

Thoughts of death inevitably lead to thoughts of my funeral. I do not want one of those dry, stuffy funerals where everyone sits around weeping. I do not want my family to spend thousands of dollars on a fancy box to bury me in. I don't want someone deciding what songs best represent my life. I certainly don't want someone that is not a good writer in charge of my obituary. With these things in mind,I have decided to post my funeral demands here...

THE OBITUARY

Rebel Star Hobson (formerly Buchanan) died today. She will be sorely missed for her cooking, her friendliness, her jokes, and her amazing retention of useless facts. We will, however, finally have a chance to win trivia games, Boggle and Scrabble now that she is gone. The family would like to ask that you join us in the backyard of our home for the celebration of her life. She asked that all mourners wear costumes, with bunny outfits being particularly appreciated. She also asked that everyone bring gasoline and a twelve pack of beer, for reasons that will be explained when you arrive.

THE ARRANGEMENTS

I would like my hair to be teased into the full afro that I never quite achieved in life. Stud the afro with rhinestones and flowers, maybe a tiara. Make-up...I don't care, do something funny. I am not really concerned with what I am wearing other than striped knee-socks. I am inflexible on this point. I would like to be laid in an open top wooden box, decorated with pictures of Wonder Woman, ancient artifacts, ninjas, banjos, and other things that I enjoyed in life. Put the box in the back yard on sawhorses.

THE SERVICE

I would like the following songs to be played...
"Darling Nikki" Prince
"Rock Your Body" Justin Timberlake (I just think that's really funny)
"Wolf Like Me" TV On The Radio
"Concrete And Barb-Wire" Lucinda Williams
"Kung-Fu Fighting" Carl Weathers (is that the right name? Regardless, it can be found on Have A Nice Day V.14)
Track 5 from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Fever To Tell"
"Don't Stop Til Ya Get Enough" Michael Jackson
"Tusk" Fleetwood Mac
"I'll Never Get Out Of This World Alive" Hank Williams
"Goin' Straight To Hell" Hank III
"I Musta Been Stoned" Old 97's
That Handsome Family song about the lady that starves herself to death...can't remember the name.
I reserve the right to update and amend this list should I live a long life.

At the service, I'd like people to mill about the backyard, drinking beer and swapping Rebel stories. Have break-dancing contests, or see who can head-butt the hardest. Eat delicious food. Sing along loudly to songs that are played. When the beer runs out, pour the gas on me and light me on fire. If someone wants to keep my skeleton, feel free. I guess family members should get the first dibs, but if they have boring plans for it, I insist my skeleton be given to someone that will do something interesting with it.

If these plans are ignored, I will find a way to haunt or otherwise irritate everyone involved in the ruin of my funeral. I am serious about this.