Random detritus, continued

Sometimes, when I least expect it, I am overwhelmed with the compulsion to do something evil. I'll be in the car, and see an old person on the side of the road and think "I want to throw a bottle at his head" or "what if I flicked this lit cigarette at that guy?". I never act on these desires, but I find it strange, as I go out of my way to be nice to everyone.

I am convinced of my ability to make anything. I once spent 15 minutes trying to tell Eric that it was possible for me to make my own Scrabble board. I really wanted to play Scrabble.

This morning, I heard about a man who woke from a 40 year coma. He was surprised that stores were open on Sundays. When he saw cellphones, he was amazed. When asked what he thought about 2007, he said he couldn't understand why everyone walked around complaining all the time. Wait until someone shows him internet porn.

Sometimes, if someone is talking to me about something very boring, I have to restrain my self from screaming in their face and possibly punching them in the throat. I sing Fleetwood Mac songs in my head until the feeling passes.

If I owned a monkey and a motorcycle, I would have the grandest sort of adventures. My monkey would be called Louise, regardless of it's gender.

I have only taken my daughter to the circus once. I cried the whole time. I was so sad for the elephants and the tigers. I kept hoping that the elephants would trample their trainers. You shouldn't make an elephant wear a tutu, that's just wrong.

I have conversations with my cats, and I have assigned them imaginary voices. Sophie, who is a boy, speaks in a female voice with a french accent. Chaplin has the gruff voice of a hobo.

I have injured myself attempting a pirouette on more than one occasion.